Impossible Descision
by author12306
Summary: Oneshot. Miranda hates being useless, but watching her friends fall one by one truly makes her feel that way. When only her and Marie are left alive after a brutal fight again the Noah Miranda must choose to let herself die of exhaustion in hopes of keeping the Time Record activated long enough to get Marie closer to a hospital, or let him die and go on herself. Rated for violence.


Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray-man.

A/N: Okay, so I was TRYING to think of a fluffy MariexMiranda story idea, and my brain, being as awful as it is, thought up this not so fluffy thing. Enjoy and don't hate me for writing it. And please do forgive any OOCness, these two can be particularly challenging to write in character.

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><p>Impossible Decision<p>

_This can't be happening. No, no they can't all be dying! B-but without the Time Record, they'll all..._ Miranda couldn't finish her frantic chain of thought as she watched Lavi get beaten down again by Tyki Mikk. The fight had been going on for multiple hours, and the Time Record was starting to fail. Miranda swallowed the lump in her throat, she knew that not even the Time Record could help Lavi now as he lay, dead, on the blood soaked soil. Lenalee's time had long since disappeared from the record. She had gone off after two level fours at least an hour before.

"Sorry we can't help more, Ms. Exorcist," a finder apologized as he wordlessly watched the death going on outside of the small safe zone.

"You all have done plenty. Just try to rest, it will be a long journey back to the Order after this is all over," Miranda assured. She would be the only one going back, that was a fact she knew for sure.

The finders that were in the small shielded area glanced between themselves. They weren't sure if she was truly oblivious or just trying to keep her own sanity in tact.

"B-besides, it's our job as Exorcists to defeat Noah and akuma," Miranda smiled. The tears were getting harder to hold back and they made her throat feel tight. She wanted to scream at her own uselessness as she felt one more time disappear from her record. She watched as Chaoiji fell. She had never known him well, but his death still left an empty spot in her heart. One more time disappeared, just like a candle cut off from oxygen it winked out. She was certain this time it was Allen.

"I'm going to try to help them, we're all going to die anyways so we can at least try to be useful," a finder left the area protected by the Time Record.

"We should go too, will you be alright Ms. Exorcist?" one of the other finders asked.

"Of course, I'll be fine," Miranda smiled weakly. She was secretly glad for her solitude; it meant she could cry, finally. As the last finder left tears spilled from her eyes. All too quickly the finders' times disappeared from her Record. She wailed and degraded herself for her own stupidity, her uselessness, her insignificance. All the while more of the times disappeared. The fight dragged on for numerous more hours, and more times blinked away. She had run out of tears, she had run out of insults for herself, and was left to silently curse the Noah who had brought so much suffering onto the people who had finally accepted her. She couldn't believe a single one had ever thanked her. It made her feel sick that the few people who had thanked her, treated her like a human instead of an outlet for their own negativity, were the ones she let down the most. Only two times remained. Exhaustion was wearing on Miranda heavily now; she didn't even know if she could keep the Time Record up for more than a few more minutes.

Someone entered. It was Kanda, and he was dragging Marie along as well.

"I'll lead the Noah away, get him to a hospital as soon as you can," Kanda demanded as he carefully laid Marie down on the ground.

"K-Kanda, you can't. You'll die," Miranda whispered.

Kanda ignored her; he left to meet his own death.

The Time Record healed Marie's wounds, but Miranda saw how bad they were. There was almost no chance that she would be able to keep the Time Record activated long enough for them to reach the last town they had passed through.

"Do you think you can walk?" Miranda asked quietly as she helped Marie stand. Even though the Time Record had healed his injuries he was still weak from the fight.

"Yes, are you alright to walk?" Marie could sense just how exhausted Miranda was. The simple act of standing had left her panting for breath.

"Of course," Miranda assured falsely. She could make it, she was certain she could make it. If she told herself that enough she would be able to, that much she was sure of. She tried desperately to keep this mindset until she stumbled and fell to her knees. She couldn't get up; her legs wouldn't listen.

"If you need to deactivate Time Record, it's okay Miranda. I've lived a longer life, you still have so much more to do," Marie assured shortly after hearing her collapse and struggle to stand.

Miranda shook her head a little too furiously, it left her dizzy. "It's just a little further, I'll be alright."

Marie smiled sympathetically as he placed a hand on her shoulder and crouched so that he was almost on eye level with her, even though he couldn't see he hoped that it was a comforting gesture, "One of us has to survive to report to everyone and tell them all what happened. If you let yourself die of exhaustion then neither of us will make it home. It is alright to give up now, Miranda."

"No it's not!" for the first time in her life Miranda's voice came out harsh, "You all were the first people to get me a reason to live! I can't let you die, I have to at least give one of you a chance to live. Please, don't make me let you die."

Marie was shocked at first by Miranda's sudden outburst, but he simply smiled even gentler. "You've done plenty for us, Miranda. There was a reason for each and every time one of us thanked you. You don't have to work for the thanks you've more than already earned. I'm grateful that you gave me longer to live, that you gave us all an opportunity to keep fighting when we should have been dead."

"I don't want you to die," Miranda finally whimpered. She had leaned forward enough to hug him and bury her head against his shoulder as she cried quietly. She couldn't leave him behind; she couldn't let him die, "I don't want you to die, please."

Marie wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her closer. Her crying quieted some.

Her thin arms wrapped around his back, "I'm sorry I lied, but we're nowhere close to town."

"I know," Marie nodded, "I can't even hear it yet."

Miranda burst into tears anew again, but soon her sobs ceased and her breathing evened out. Time Record deactivated as she fell into a deep, trauma-induced sleep.

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><p>Miranda's eyes slid open slowly. She recognized the room she was in as a hospital room. There was a window a few feet from her bed and it was opened the slightest bit to let in the slight, cool breeze from outside. Her body ached from exhaustion and her head throbbed from crying. Her throat hurt from wailing as she watched her friends fall one by one. She felt a warm tear drip down her cheek as she remembered what had happened before she was careless enough to let herself fall asleep.<p>

"Marie!" the name had left her mouth before she could stop it. Pain ached in her chest as she realized she would never be able to smile and watch the others argue while they ate in the cafeteria, she would never get snapped at by Kanda or teased by Lavi or reassured by Lenalee. None of them would ever listen to her worthless, stupid problems or give her a shoulder to cry on. None of them would ever say "thank you" to her again. A fresh wave of tears overtook her as she thought on this, and she hardly noticed when a nurse entered the room to check on her.

"What's your name?" the nurse asked quietly once she had gotten Miranda to cease her pathetic sobbing.

"Miranda Lotto," Miranda sniffled, "If I may ask, how did I get here?"

"Some passing travelers saw you and the man with you in the middle of the road. You were both in terrible condition, but they brought you here," the nurse answered.

"Marie, is he okay?" Miranda could hardly get the question out. Her throat was trying to close itself before she could.

The nurse's expression fell, "I'm afraid he's in very bad shape. We don't know if he'll live, let alone if he'll ever wake up."

"Oh God, it's all my fault," Miranda whispered as more tears stained her cheeks. Her shoulders shook as she cried even harder.

"Please try to calm down, you're going to make yourself sick," the nurse cooed as she rubbed Miranda's shoulder comfortingly.

"May I see him?" Miranda finally asked.

"I don't know if that's such a good idea. It may just upset you more," the nurse answered. She had handed Miranda a box of tissues.

The next few days passed painfully slow; each day she got the same answer. It would only upset her more to see him, or he wasn't allowed visitors yet, or he was still unconscious. Each day it grew harder to take the answers. She had already called HQ and reported the tragedy. Komui had tried so hard not to lose his composure, but near the end of their conversation Miranda could hear his voice wavering. Just before he hung up he had _thanked _her for her hard work. Teidoll had called two days or so after he she had called HQ to ask how Marie was doing. Miranda still couldn't give him an answer. They kept her in the hospital; the doctor thought she was too emotionally unstable to be left on her own. She had taken to cleaning her small room again and again. She would make the bed and straighten the curtains and run a rag over many of the hard surfaces of the room but even that couldn't take her mind off of her situation. She was afraid to return to HQ after the horrible news she had delivered. She couldn't stand the thought of seeing the other members of staff at the Order hearing the news, casting accusing glances at her. The thought of fearing their glares made her feel like a coward.

"Miranda, the doctor says that Marie is awake now. You can see him if you promise not to get too emotional," the nurse from the first day said.

"I promise," Miranda nodded. This was a promise she was certain she could keep as long as she tried. Her stomach squirmed uncomfortably at the thought of all of the horrible injuries Marie had received. She followed the nurse down the hall.

"Is he still awake?" the nurse asked another nurse who stood outside of the door.

The nurse nodded.

Miranda quietly followed behind the nurse. She was terrified, what if Marie was angry that she had nearly let him die? What if he was mad at her for letting everyone else die? What if, what if, what if? _No, no what if's. What happens will happen._

Marie could tell it was Miranda simply from hearing her heartbeat when she entered the room, "Miranda?"


End file.
